A child’s grave represents the most terrible of losses.
Dear Therese
There are letters which are written too late. This is one of those. I learned of you and your fate several months after you’d already taken your own life. I’m profoundly saddened that an eleven-year-old girl felt there was no other option but suicide.
Being a kid is difficult, even under the best of circumstances. Being a kid who is the victim of targeted bullying is unimaginably hard. You had an entire life ahead of you, one you fully deserved. You were bullied at school. You didn’t want to burden your mother with your troubles. You took your own life.
Children can be terribly cruel. Bullies are an example of this cruelty at its worst. Bullies have always been with us. Schools swear they take the problem seriously; especially after an incident, they swear that they’ll do better. But they never do. The PSAs, school assemblies, and promises by teachers and schools to do better don’t seem to change anything. Oftentimes, the teachers and school staff are aware of what is going on but look the other way. Perhaps out of cowardice or a feeling there is nothing they can do or plain not giving a damn. Whatever the excuse for their failure to act, they are just as guilty as the bully because they had the moral responsibility to do something about it and failed to do so. Adults at schools must do a better job. Much better. I don’t expect a perfect world, one free of all bad things, even at school. But we must stop targeted bullying, where a person or persons specifically bully another classmate.
Bullies are cowards who act out of frustration about their own lives. This doesn’t justify their behavior in any way, but it perhaps hints at approaches to better deal with the problem, which the endless empty words have no hope of doing. I’d tell bullies if they want to prove how tough they are, they should befriend the friendless, protect the weak and work to make them stronger, and otherwise conduct themselves honorably. That would be the honorable thing to do, but today the concept of honor is in woefully short supply and poorly understood, if at all. Or maybe we should require that bullies tend the gravesites of those who’ve committed suicide due to bullying. That way they could see firsthand, before it’s too late for another victim, the senseless loss for which there is no atonement. Unfortunately, I can’t guarantee either approach would work.
I can’t imagine the feeling of hopelessness you felt at the end of your far too brief life. I pray there is a way for you to know that the world is full of people, including strangers such as myself, who wish they’d known and could have been there for you at your time of need and vulnerability. Some of your own classmates may feel the same way. I know your family does.
I visited your grave today and left you orange-colored flowers. I don’t know what your favorites color is, but mine is orange. The sense of loss is palpable when one stands beside a child who should still be alive with an entire life yet to live. A child’s grave is an eternal tragedy, one that represents the worst form of grief, a parents’ grief. It is heartbreaking to think of the tears that have already been shed at this grave and the many tears yet to come.
I wish with all my heart that you were still here, and your family’s anguish caused by their loss never happened. The world is a far poorer place without you, of that I am certain. This is true even for those of us who didn’t know of you until it was too late. Rest in peace, Maria Therese.
Love,
Joe
Here’s a link to an article about Therese:
Therese idk if you remembered me but I was just heartbroken at your funeral. When I seen your body in that casket it just didn’t look like my Therese I knew since elementary, I wish you had told your mom something or I could go to hogan so I could stick up for you. I wish I could find who bullied you so I can do something about them to make them understand what they do is wrong. We all miss you so much and I miss you as a great friend, person, and daughter to your mom. Your mom…. She’s just so sweet she didn’t deserve this, you didn’t deserve this either but it hurts to loose a child, your mom was too heartbroken 💔, I spent time with your mom and make sure my mom checks on her because I felt how much she loves you because she couldn’t let go of me, she was crying every time she hugged me, and said “you remind me of Therese” and started crying I KNOW HOW MUCH SHE LOVEEEEESSS YOU you mean the world to her Therese and I wish that you thought about that before leaving us☹️. She also told me to let my mom know everything that goes on so that she doesn’t loose me like your mom lost you.. She knows how it feels and I really appreciate her for looking out for my mom by giving me that advice. I’m on this earth representing you and everybody I’ve lost in this lifetime. Rest In Paradise Therese💕💔
Love, Tiana💕
Tiana, I’m glad you and your mother followed up to see how Therese’s mother is doing. I can’t imagine the pain of a parent losing a child. I didn’t know Therese, but her story had a huge impact on me and motivated me to write the blog post.
This is actually my step sister and I really miss her even though its been a year. There is way more behind her story except I’m not allowed to share it online.
Missing her will always be a part of loving and remembering her. I hope the family and friends directly impacted by her passing find a measure of peace in their own lives despite this tragedy.