A definition of Woke

“It is much more immoral to claim virtue without fully living with its direct consequences.”

—Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Skin in the Game

“If thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought.”

—George Orwell, Politics and the English Language

Concept of definitions

Our daily lives rely on definitions, formally defined or not.  A common understanding of what words mean allows us to communicate with one another using a complex language that far exceeds the methods of communication used by nonhuman creatures. Human language, mastering fire, and the wheel got mankind to the Moon.

Every aspect of our lives requires the use of words and a consistent understanding of what these mean in the context of those uses. Human language is not perfect, but the world is fabulously better for us than it would be without it. When we buy a car, we know exactly what type of thing we’re shopping for, despite the fact cars come in many makes and models.  If each car buyer is asked to define car, we’d likely get a variety of answers, some more cogent than others; nevertheless, everyone is able to pick out a car from a lineup that also includes a ship, tractor, plane, locomotive, spaceship, and helicopter.  Even a toddler can do it.  A car buyer’s inability to define a car doesn’t diminish the validity of his purchase—or somehow make a car not a car.

Dictionaries formally define words. A dictionary is full of definitions for words we commonly use and words we’ve never used or aren’t even aware of. There are legal definitions.  In fact, most laws include a definition section.  The USDA has a legal definition for products such as ice cream (minimum amount of milk fat) and fruit cocktail (must contain grapes).  This is necessary for the implementation of regulations related to consumer fraud and safety.  We bitch about government regulations, but absent these specifications, the ingredients in your ice cream and fruit cocktail would be a Wild West concoction of God knows what.    

Some things are inherently difficult for us to describe, if asked.  Abstract concepts such as duty and honor are examples…or a word used all the time with nary a thought (e.g., the). Well-educated, powerful people sometimes struggle with definitions (or feign difficulty), as evident by then-President Clinton’s infamous, “It depends on what the meaning of the word is is.” In his case, the parsing was a laughable strategy for self-preservation. Explaining a simple task can be a surprising challenge.  In a high school English class, one of the assignments we were given was to write instructions for tying one’s own shoelaces.  Wow, that was a tough one.  Everyone, except the very young, know how to tie their shoelaces, but explaining it, either orally or in writing, is hard to do.  Try it yourself.     

Words and what they mean, whether spoken, written, or thought, are necessary in order for us to conduct our lives. Some definitions are self-evident, though sometimes confusion is deliberately feigned for political purposes or out of fear (e.g., woman).  Some definitions are difficult to come up with.  Some definitions are known instinctively without an ability to articulate them.

Do we need a definition of Woke?

What if we are asked to define Woke?  Recognizing a Woke person or Woke ideology is easy.  We certainly get lots of practice, since the Woke incessantly bludgeon us with their noxious, so-called enlightenment and faux virtue.  Our well-trained Woke detectors operate with a high degree of accuracy, even absent a formal definition.  Rational non-Woke people know instantly when they see a harebrained notion or person that is Woke.  The part of our brain which subconsciously detects threats immediately reacts.  Another part of our brain which senses contrivance and phony-baloney virtue fires its neurons.  Both our cringe and gag reflexes are triggered.  The voices inside our head scream, “Geez, what an insane dumbass!”      

Defining Woke is akin to defining pornography rather than explaining how to tie shoelaces.  When asked to define pornography, U.S. Supreme Court justice Potter Stewart famously said: “I know it when I see it.”  The same is true for Woke.  I know it when I see it.  So do you.          

Commentator Matt Walsh in his documentary “What is a Women?” paralyzed the Woke simply by asking them to define “woman.”  It was a pathetic farce seeing adults stumble and obfuscate over a word whose meaning has been known and used for thousands of years without controversy or confusion. Though entertaining, the fear-induced inability to say what they know to be true is troubling.  They aren’t afraid of Mr. Walsh.  They, in fact, know what a woman is—a biology degree isn’t necessary.  Yet they tremble in terror of their own kind, should they dare define woman as anything other than, “anyone who says they are a woman” or something comparably inane.  Being Woke includes an all-consuming fear of deviating from its orthodoxy.  They know the consequences, since they’ve meted these out themselves.  The Woke are viciously merciless toward heretics, apostates, and any of their own who slip up so much as a nanometer. They are the Torquemadas of a present-day, Internet-enabled Inquisition characterized by a perverse amalgam of childishness, superstition, and ruthlessness.         

As an aside, for those confused by a self-evident truth, a truth understood by folks of every political persuasion who aren’t wussies and, therefore, not afraid to say it: A woman is an adult human female; a female being a member of our sexually dimorphic species carrying what is commonly known as the XX-chromosome pair, and which, absent certain medical conditions, instills in the person the ability to give birth. This definition is not hateful, bigoted, or transphobic, no matter how vociferously the Woke assert otherwise. It just is.  

Those who argue against this definition are Woke (or their terrified compliant enablers), and this by itself is a ready identifier—and definer.  Don’t buy into the bullshit definition of woman recently adopted by a cowardly dictionary company, which caved into the Woke’s silly demands and now includes non-women (e.g., transwomen) as women.  Transwomen are transwomen.  Transwomen are men who intentionally adopt, to varying degrees, often stereotypical affectations of what they believe constitutes womanhood. Some transwomen make a sincere effort to pass as a woman. Others turn it into farce. Regardless, transwomen are not women.  Reasonable people understand and accept these definitions.  This includes reasonable transpeople.  It’s the “2+2 = 5 people” (i.e., the Woke) who are willfully ignorant.     

We should’ve expected a cute parry & thrust in response to Mr. Walsh’s question.  The Woke now counter with, “Oh yeah, bigot, well what then is your definition of Woke?”  The Woke ask us non-Woke to define Woke.  “Gotcha!” they think. They’re calling us out on it, so let’s indulge them.  We non-Woke are, after all, reasonable people.

How the Woke define themselves

What do the Woke think Woke means?  Oh, they’ll smugly tell you, good and hard (to borrow a phrase from H.L. Mencken), that it’s sugar and spice and everything nice.  The Woke exclaim it’s an “awareness of” and “fight against” misogyny, male privilege, xenophobia, transphobia, homophobia, racism, colonialism, White supremacy, White privilege, patriarchy, toxic masculinity, hate speech, “violent” words, unsafe spaces, fat shaming, thin privilege, ableism, wealth inequality, injustice, the heteronormative, and climate change, among other ills, real or imagined—but always hysterically ginned up into anger and accusation and divisiveness.  Each of these societal ills contain their own subcategories of manufactured injustice that require offense and outrage: Dating preferences are transphobic.  Using the term “biological males” is transphobic.  Coffee and white milk are racist.  Math is racist.  The Rubik’s Cube is racist. Global warming increases bar fights.           

Boy, that’s a lot of ingredients tossed into one’s ideological stew.  Indeed.  And they sure don’t skimp on the serving size when ladling out their slop. Of course, we must ask ourselves: “Does this definition accurately define the Woke?  Do the Woke really fight against these things?  Are they really compassionate and tolerant, and somehow free of human failings?” 

Well, sure it’s true…that is if you believe napalming your house is a reasonable means of dealing with a termite infestation that might not even exist—while you stand outside and watch the conflagration with a smug, self-righteous look on your face.  “Look at me!  I’m a tolerant person!  I showed those bigoted termites!”  Or burn down your neighbor’s house for the same reason—and somehow remain in complete denial that you started the fire.  Screw any resultant harm.  These arson-caused flames and the resultant destruction prove your goodness; you know, you’re tolerant and caring.   

Actually, the above list of ills are the Woke’s scapegoats for their own nefarious behavior.  Their own racism, their own misogyny, their own homophobia, their own injustice, etc.  The Woke are world-class hypocrites regarding their alleged virtues.  Decent people aren’t fooled.  The Woke are not nice, compassionate, or enlightened people, as they falsely believe themselves to be.  They are angry, mirthless fascists.  Micromanagey fascists.  Petty fascists.  Woke = Shrill fascism, if you want the Cliff Notes definition.    

The Woke are putatively against misogyny…but cannot define what a woman is.  They’re against homophobia…but insist that lesbians must have sex with biological males who identify as lesbians.  Therefore, the Woke are also misogynistic rape enablers: coerced sex is rape, rape is a horrific form of misogyny. They’re against racism…but deny the Black African a coal-powered power plant or hydroelectric dam (eco-colonialism).  The Woke commit grammatical-colonialism by imposing the inane term Latinx on Spanish-speaking people. They’re for fairness…but their undermining of our immigration laws is horribly unfair to those immigrants who follow the rules and come here legally. They want to “protect” transkids from harm…but pump them full of puberty blockers and wrong-sex hormones and perform gruesome surgeries on them—these kids are human sacrifices on behalf of the Woke’s demented ideology.  If a rational person—and this includes a reasonable homosexual or transperson or drag queen—suggests the far better course of action would be legitimate (non-gender activist!) therapy in order to try to get these confused children to accept their actual sex/gender, and medical treatment must be a last resort and then only in adulthood, that person is then attacked as a bigot and transphobe, sometimes physically attacked.  The Woke also claim to be “for science,” but vehemently insist men can get pregnant and menstruate, and women can have penises, thereby unnecessarily and stupidly obfuscating additional words whose definitions are commonly understood by sane people and were formerly noncontroversial as to their meaning. 

All the Woke’s supposed virtues are a poor camouflage of their deranged vileness.  The Woke are to virtue, what cancer is to a weight-loss program.  A really aggressive cancer that has widely metastasized.

Coming up with a definition

I’m confident we non-Woke can rustle up some workable definitions.  I’ll give it a shot.  First, I list the basic personality traits typically seen in the Woke and the myriad beliefs they espouse.  Then I distill it down into pithy definitions of Wokeness for our enjoyment.

Keep in mind older terms which mean the same thing as Woke: social justice and social justice warrior.  There’s an even older term, politically correct, which you might think is a synonym for Woke.  George Carlin defined political correctness as “fascism pretending to be good manners.”  For that reason, I do not consider it synonymous.  The Woke exhibit atrociously bad manners.  Watch them disrupt a speech they don’t like, and you’ll see their childish bad manners on shrill display. 

Also be aware that actual Liberals are not necessarily Woke.  Free speech is a hallmark of true Liberalism.  So is feminism. The Woke are censorship fanatics, and Liberals themselves often suffer the Woke’s wrath for their heresies.  God help the brave feminist who challenges the Woke’s gender idiocy and correctly asserts that transwomen aren’t women. She’s in store for megatons of opprobrium. The Woke are the enemy of decent people across the political spectrum.

Woke personality traits

• Shrill (oh, that voice)
• Smug (oh, that face, that self-satisfied visage)
• Angry (oh, that twisted visage.)
• Lack of humility (as evidence by the smugness)
• Sanctimonious (They’re doing their god’s work.)
• Hypocritical
• Willfully dunderheaded
• Douchey
• Doctrinaire
• Pathological perfectionism (They accept nothing less than their definition of perfect.)
• Pathological contrarianism (They’re hellbent on opposing society’s decent, productive people.)
• Micromanagey
• Immature (not just behavior, but also a profoundly childish understanding of agriculture, energy supply, and economies)
• Liars/exaggerators
• Humorless
• Patronizing (especially to minorities)
• Self-destructive
• Knowitallness
• Narcissistic
• Enablers of criminal behavior (e.g., drug use, looting, rioting, arson, murder, medical malpractice)
• Nasty (The things they say to detransitioners and TERFs are unimaginably foul.)

Woke beliefs

Woke is a religious cult.  Replete with mindless platitudes and rigid control down to its adherents’ very thoughts.  The Woke cult has a ton of tenets.  New ones are added every day, sometimes contradicting other ones.  Their Moses could not possibly carry down from a mountaintop stone tablets large enough to list all their god’s commandments. And, yes, there are hypocrisies galore.  (My editorializing of these tenets is in parentheses.)

1. We are for social justice. (Their definition of justice, not yours. Censorship and keeping Africans poor are examples of their “justice.”)
2. Global warming is irrefutably real, caused by man-made carbon dioxide emissions, and poses immediate apocalyptic consequences.  (Carbon dioxide is a trace gas necessary for life on Earth to exist.  It is not a poison or a pollutant.)
3. We follow the science. (Except when it contradicts their delusions.)
4. Global warming deniers are just like Holocaust deniers and Flat Earthers.
5. Global warming deniers must be punished, and this may include jail or execution.  (Like I said, these aren’t nice people. They’ve suggested “Scientific Nuremberg trials” for global warming skeptics.) 
6. Polar bears are dying.
7. Sea level is rapidly rising and will soon submerge islands and coastlines. (Our betters are not selling their oceanfront properties at fire sale prices. In fact, they continue to purchase them.)
8. There will be hundreds of millions of “climate refugees,” including from the southern U.S. (People continue to move to warmer locations in the U.S.)
9. Global warming is causing or will cause _______. (Fill in the blank with anything, no matter how ludicrous it sounds.)
10. We only have _______ years left to save the planet. (Pick a number and change it later.)
11. Stop using fossil fuels. (Except for private planes and megayachts.)
12. No nuclear power.
13. No hydroelectric power.
14. We must use only solar and wind power.
15. We must not build a solar or wind farm there.  (They often oppose these projects.)
16. We must drive electric cars.
17. No mining for lithium or rare earth metals here.  (In a Third World country is okay).
18. No cars and use only public mass transit.  (Woke policies result in rampant crime on mass transit systems.)
19. We must stop eating meat and start eating bugs.  (Our betters continue to eat steak.)
20. We must adopt a vegan diet.  (No bugs?)
21. We must end modern agricultural practices; e.g., no fertilizer or pesticides, no livestock, grow locally.
22. We must have far fewer humans on Earth.  (Implementing #21 will ensure this happens.)
23. Sex is not the same as gender.  (The Woke word silliness is a macrame of illogic and delusion. The fact is sex = gender.)
24. Sex and gender are social constructs. (The Woke built their own Rube Goldberg contraption versions of these.)
25. Sex and gender don’t exist.  (So what exactly is a transperson transitioning from and then into?)
26. Sex/gender is a spectrum. (Was Noah a transphobe?)
27. The concept of sex and gender were imposed on indigenous people by White colonizers. (Somehow non-White cultures never noticed the two sexes/genders until Whitey came along?)
28. The Native American society had more than two genders until the binary was forced upon them. (A lot of American Indians beg to differ and shall be called White supremacists if they dare speak up about it.)
29. There are more than two genders.  (But never just two.) 
30. Your sex/gender is whatever you say it is. 
31. You can be gender fluid or non-binary, including on a daily basis. 
32. You can be a male, non-binary, gender fluid lesbian if you declare yourself as such.  (Yes, a moron asserted he was this.)
33. A male must be placed in female prisons if he “identifies” as a female.
34. A male must have access to all traditionally women-only spaces if he “identifies” as a female: prisons, locker rooms, restrooms, domestic abuse shelters, homeless shelters for women, lesbian bars, lesbian dating sites.
35. Males must be allowed to participate in women’s sports if they “identify” as a female.
36. Transwomen do not have a biological advantage in women’s sports.  (Collapsing sports into open categories would put out of a job the Woke players in the WNBA who claim transwomen should be able to compete in women’s sports.)
37. Women who protest men allowed into women’s sports and spaces are transphobic bigots.
38. People must use a person’s preferred pronouns.
39. The term “preferred pronouns” is just like saying the N-word. (There is no pleasing these people.)
40. People must not use a person’s deadname.
41. Misgendering someone or using a deadname must result in personal destruction and/or jail time for the offender. (Yup, they’ve proposed jail time.)   
42. Gays are heterosexuals in the wrong-gendered body—and must transition.  (Transing away the gay.)
43. Tomboys must transition into transmen.
44. Effeminate boys must transition into transwomen. (They’re big on physical conversion therapy when it suits their agenda.)
45. Sexuality is a spectrum. (And yet they trans away the gay.)
46. No transgender person regrets transitioning. (We must be imagining these people and their heartbreaking stories.)
47. Detransitioners are transphobes.
48. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are transphobic holidays.
49. Men can get pregnant, have periods, and breastfeed.  (Medical students are being taught this ignorant crap, which doesn’t bode well for the healthcare profession.)
50. Transwomen must get tested for cervical cancer.  (I’m expecting prostate exams for transmen, shortly.)
51. Transwomen can win Women of the Year awards. (And have!)
52. Amy Schneider is Jeopardy’s top female earner. (She’s actually the top transwoman earner—or somewhere amongst the male standings. The female record still stands.)
53. Gendered medical terms must be replaced with terms such as birthing person, chestfeeding, people with cervixes, menstruating people, etc. (I predict a future renaming of the gynecologist specialty.)
54. It’s a myth that children are medically transitioning.
55. Prohibiting children from medically transitioning causes them to commit suicide.  (We must drug and mutilate children in order to prevent harm to children?  This is profoundly demented illogic.)
56. Transgenderism is not a mental illness. (And yet a suicide risk.)
57. Children have the right and can consent to medical transition into the opposite gender, including puberty blockers, wrong-sex hormones, and gruesome surgeries, with or without parental permission.  (Especially, without parental permission.)
58. There is no such thing as a “contagion” amongst children resulting in a huge increase in the number of trans-identifying children.
59. Many more kids are coming out as trans only because society has become more accepting.
60. Transpeople who are against medically transitioning children are transphobes.
61. Lesbians who won’t have sex with transwomen are transphobic. (It’s amazing—and not in a good way—the Woke’s abuse toward lesbians who are, well, lesbians, and don’t want to have sex with penised or formally penised males. You go, girls, don’t let these bastards tell you what to do!)
62. Heterosexual men who won’t date transwomen are transphobic.
63. Any dating preferences are bigoted.  (What happened to “We should be able to love who we love”?)
64. Transwomen are women and transmen are men.  (Reasonable transpeople do not make this claim.)
65. End prayers with “Amen” and “Awomen.”  (This retardation actually happened!)
66. Your driver’s license and passport must list whatever sex/gender you want.  (This is the government actively participating in perjury.)
67. Birth certificates must not list a sex/gender. To do so is transphobic. It’s up to the child to decide. (The movie THX1138 is now a reality.)
68. Gender reveal parties are transphobic. (These parties are stupid, but they aren’t transphobic. The term “transphobic” is a meaningless accusation.)
69. Anthropologists can’t assign gender to prehistoric bones because we don’t know what the ancient hominid identified as.  (Hoo boy. This was the Jump the Shark moment for gender ideology.)
70. Kids must be taught about sexuality and gender ideology at a young age, with or without parental consent or knowledge.  (Especially without the parents’ consent or knowledge.)
71. Kids as young as infants can be transgender.
72. Kids can be exposed to drag shows. (Even those that are overtly sexual in nature: twerking, skimpy costumes, lap dances, putting dollar bills into the G-string).
73. Drag kids can dance in front of adult men who throw money at them.  (This occurs.  It’s creepy as hell. There are adult drag queens who are rightfully appalled by this.)
74. Drag queens are women.
75. Drag shows are misogynistic (essentially “women-face”).
76. Drag queens who are against kids attending drag shows are bigots.
77. Conversion therapy for homosexuality must be outlawed.  Being gay is not a choice. They’re born that way. The gay person must be allowed to accept what he or she is born as. 
78. We must outlaw therapy that might convince a confused child to accept his or her actual sex/gender (i.e., accept what he or she is born as). 
79. Wrong-sex hormones, puberty blockers, castrations, orchidectomies, double mastectomies, hysterectomies, and other medical procedures are not conversion therapy.  (These Dr. Mengeles literally treat puberty and biological sex/gender as a disease, and with all the aggressiveness as one might throw at cancer.)
80. Any delay or “gate-keeping” in regard to medical transition is bigoted.  (This includes therapy to identify and treat underlying mental health comorbidities that might be the problem rather than true gender dysphoria.)
81. Jesus was gender fluid.  (The person who said this wouldn’t dare make the same claim about Muhammad.)
82. Seahorses prove that men can get pregnant. (Seahorses aren’t humans—or mammals. More brilliant Woke science.)
83. Comedians must not make offensive jokes.  (Except about White, Christian, heterosexual males.)
84. Censorship of harmful words or hate speech is necessary.
85. We must prevent people with harmful/hateful ideas (we don’t like) from giving a speech on a college campus or anywhere else. (Violence in this case is justified by the media and goes largely unpunished.)
86. Preventing someone else’s freedom of speech and assembly is an exercise of our (the Woke’s) right to freedom of speech.
87. Written materials must be reviewed by a “sensitivity reader” before publication.  (It is a disgrace that publishers, a profession that should be an absolute defender of free speech, employe these sensitivity commissars. Look at the edits they make: Lord, these sensitivity readers are pussies.)
88. Existing books must be cleansed of offensive content.  (Eventually, they’ll get around to Orwell’s 1984 and not see an ounce of irony in this.  The Woke routinely out-Orwell Orwell.)   
89. Free speech is violence.
90. Silence is violence. 
91. Words are violence. (Any words they don’t like, and they sure don’t like a shitpot full of them.)
92. Ableism is bad.
93. Using the word “retard” is bad.
94. Pregnancies that might result in a handicapped baby are better off aborted.  (This includes a baby who would be born mentally retarded.)
95. Medically assisted suicide is enlightened compassion.  (Originally intended only for those suffering from a painful terminal illness, the forewarned about slippery slope now allows this for lesser conditions, including mental health issues.)
96. Executions are cruel and unusual punishment.  (They would claim this even if the same drug used for #95 were also used to execute a criminal.)
97. A person can be healthy at any size. 
98. The concept of obesity is based on White supremacy.
99. Obesity is caused by racism and White supremacy.
100. Dieting is fatphobic.
101. Exercise is fat phobic.
102. The word nigger is the worst word in the world.  (Of course, they say “n-word.”)
103. Voter I.D. laws are racist because Black people can’t get I.D.  (The Woke believe Blacks are too dumb to get any identification necessary for voter integrity.)
104. Blacks invented everything.
105. A meme with Black people in it is “digital blackface.” (This is a new example of the Woke’s asshattery, as of the writing of this post.)
106. Borders are racist.  We must have open borders.  All refugees are welcome.
107. It’s racist for a non-Woke state to bus illegal aliens to a sanctuary city.  
108. Illegal aliens must not be deported.  (This includes illegal aliens convicted of violent crimes against other illegal aliens.)
109. Illegal aliens must receive in-state tuition and drivers licenses.
110. Illegal aliens must be able to vote.
111. Criminal charges that might get an illegal alien deported must be dropped.
112. “Pedophile” is a derogatory term which must be replaced with “minor attracted person.”
113. Minors can consent to sex with adults.  (This is currently whispered amongst the Wokest of the Woke, but the day is coming when the Woke shall insist on this evil, and you’ll be a MAP-phobe if you dare protest.  C’mon, bigot, kids can consent to the aforementioned medical procedures, so why not sex with adults?)
114. We owe Blacks reparations.
115. Perpetrators of actual violent acts, if they’re of a certain demographic or under age 24, must not be punished for their crimes.
116. Smoking cigarettes is bad.
117. Menthol cigarettes are racist. (Lordy, the Woke patronize the Blacks.)  
118. Smoking pot cures many health conditions.
119. Drug addicts must be given clean needles and a place to shoot up.
120. We need lots more money for homelessness.
121. The homeless cannot be forced to avail themselves of homeless resources.
122. “Homeless” is a bigoted term.  Use “unhoused” instead.
123. White supremacy causes all problems.
124. Racism causes all problems.
125. Only White people can be racist.
126. Race is a social construct. (Yet they use it incessantly.)
127. Math is racist.  (The Woke believe that Blacks are too dumb to learn math.)
128. Grades are racist.  (The Woke believe that Blacks are too dumb to do well in school.)
129. College entrance exams are racist.  (See above.)
130. Systemic racism is everywhere.  (They sure look for it everywhere.)
131. Gas furnaces and gas water heaters harm people of color.  (The retarded spokeswoman for the Bay Area Air Quality Management District said this.  Truly, another Jump the Shark moment.)
132. People must not be allowed to own firearms. Existing firearms must be confiscated. (Our betters remain protected by arm security details.)
133. Movies and television shows must have “representation.”  (Even if it’s not consistent with the story line or results in an otherwise cringey contrivance.)
134. I need to see “people like me” in movies and on television. (Oh, the horror, the movie didn’t have someone who looked like me in it.)
135. The _______ movie, television show, book, etc. is offensive. (Man, these folks sure are delicate.)
136. Cultural appropriation is bad.  (Gender appropriation is divine.)
137. Only Blacks can wear dreadlocks.
138. Only Hispanics can make burritos.
139. Actors can only play characters consistent with their own identify.
140. Blacks (who are not Woke) are White supremacists.
141. Jews (who are not Woke) are Nazis.
142. Asians enable White supremacy.
143. Blackface is terrible.  (Unless worn by someone Woke.)
144. Black lives matter.  (The Woke looted and burned down Black neighborhoods proving this.)
145. “All lives matter” is a racist term.
146. The okay hand symbol is racist and means White Power.
147. Award shows must eliminate gendered categories.
148. Bail is racist.
149. Geology is racist. (WTF! They blamed it on the hammers geologists use.)
150. Traffic stops are racist.
151. Police dogs are racist. Black people are afraid of dogs. (Millions of Black folks own dogs!)
152. We must eliminate prisons. (Except the ones where we put those guilty of thoughtcrime.)
153. Defund the police. (Our betters remain protected by armed security details.)
154. We must do restorative justice rather than punishment.  (Except for the crime of misgendering or deadnaming, which deserve serious punishment.)
155. Kneeling during the National Anthem in protest is brave. (I doubt they’d say this if the person knelt in protest against gun control or abortion.)
156. George Floyd is a heroic martyr. (George Floyd was a career criminal who crossed paths with a dumbass cop. The entire world suffered as a consequence of this unfortunate confluence of two fools, Black folks disproportionately so.)
157. Any statue in memory of a person we don’t like must be torn down.  Any thing named after someone we don’t like must be renamed.  Anything with an offensive name must be renamed.  (Sorry, Aunt Jemima.)    

Enough! I could go on—forever—but I’ll stop.  Holy cow, the Woke are exhausting.  Every day more tenets are added to their religion’s Holy Scriptures.  It’s as if the Woke are competing amongst themselves as to who can come up with that day’s most asinine idea.  These tenets are spouted, whether the person’s personal behavior is consistent with it, and regardless of the terrible harm caused.    

Does this information lead us to cogent definitions of Woke? Indeed it does.

Definitions of Woke

I distilled down the above characteristics and beliefs into definitions.  Here are the ones I came up with:

• Woke is a person who believes everything bad in the world is caused by climate change or bigotry, but who then flies on a private plane to a well-heeled climate change conference and demands we deny an impoverished African the coal-powered power plant that might enable him to install a lightbulb in his hut—and that lightbulb he can’t have better damn well not be an incandescent one.
• Woke is a narcissistic exhibitionist who shouts, “Look at me, I’m a good person!” and does so regardless of the emptiness of the gesture or the harm that is ultimately caused.
• Woke is a serial arsonist who insists the light from the flames he caused is actually the glow of his enlightenment.
• Woke is fascism with bad manners combined with a kindergarten-level understanding of agriculture, economics, and energy supply.
• Woke is a pathological obsession with identity politics, and an insistence that a person’s identify, as categorized by the Woke, defines literally everything about that person.  The Woke are strident identity taxonomists.   
• Woke is a person with a pathological need for everyone else to think exactly like him and to whom the existence of a contrary opinion anywhere is cause for the waging of his shrill jihad.
• Woke is a suicide bomber who believes he’ll somehow survive the explosion.
• Woke is a person who cedes absolute power to a group with a privileged victimhood identity and then insists this group is oppressed and marginalized.
• Woke is a person who incessantly looks for racism under every rock, and each rock overturned reveals a mirror.
• Woke is a person to whom a pronoun, flag, pin, bumper sticker, or silly sign is equivalent to storming the beaches of Normandy and by itself is irrefutable proof of the person’s inner goodness.
• Woke is a White person who is patronizing as hell toward non-Whites, and thinks Blacks are dumb, thin-skinned, humorless, and incapable of overcoming any challenge or enduring any offense (as deemed offensive by the Woke) without the Woke’s eternal assistance.  Note: There are certainly non-White Woke folks, but the White ones are by far the worst.
• Woke is an obsession to control speech and thought to a degree that would make Big Brother cringe. 
• Woke is the quirky kids in the high school drama club armed with nuclear weapons and given control over all of society’s institutions. 
• Woke is a profoundly fascist person who doesn’t just disagree with your opinions, but is outraged that you dare have these in the first place, and intends for you to suffer severe consequences as a result. 
• Woke is a comically ironic person devoid of any sense of humor.
• Woke is childish farce implemented as actual public policy.
• Woke is a religious cult whose hymns are accusation and outrage, whose communion is censorship and hypocrisy, whose rituals include child sacrifice (medical transition), and whose salvation is dependent on crushing dissent and destroying the lives of decent people (i.e., the non-Woke).   
• Woke is a staggeringly doctrinaire person practicing a strident contrarianism in order to appear righteously iconoclastic in front of like-minded ideologues.
• Woke is the result of excessive soy in one’s diet, which manifests itself as extreme wussiness.
• Woke is a person who believes our schools have the right to affirm a child’s gender, irrespective of the parents’ wishes or the child’s actual DNA.
• Woke is a maniac who rather than changing the channel of a television show he finds offensive, instead demands the television station be burned to the ground.
• Woke is a fool who believes if all offense (as defined by him) is removed from the world, then paradise is the result.  That his paradise is Hell for the rest of us—and likely to be for him, also—is irrelevant.  
• Woke is a delusional person who insists you must actively affirm and participate in his delusion—or else.
• Woke is a person who believes he can strip away your rights and somehow maintain these same rights for himself.   
• Woke is a person’s whose halo illuminates the underlying malevolency.
• Woke is a ruthless fascist who insistently self-proclaims that he is imbued with compassion, caring, tolerance, and a love of freedom.
• Woke is a person able to operate under an amazing myriad of delusions, contradictions, and hypocrisies, yet somehow able to keep an angry grimace on his face.
• Woke is a person who claims to believe in “science” but who then insists East is West, up is down, and 2+2 equals any number but 4.
• Woke is a person who insists that 2 + 2 = 4 is White supremacy or transphobia.
• Woke is a person who claims a hurt feeling is genocide.
• Woke is a person who demands grown-ass adults be provided with emotionally safe spaces.
• Woke is a person who takes a concept such as “treating people fairly” and transmogrifies it into a weapon of mass destruction.
• Woke is a person who self-affirms as virtuous, but whose actions cause demonstrable harm to others. 
• Woke is a person who claims to champion “social justice” but whose behavior results in injustice.
• Woke is a fool used by our betters to crush decent people and keep us divided amongst ourselves.
• Woke is a person who claims he is against a host of evils, but who himself is a demented devil set loose upon decent folks.   
• Woke is a person who believes if he went back in time, he’d behave much better under the circumstances than do those people actually living in that time and place, but who would surely behave at least as bad, if not worse, than the natives.
• Woke is a person whose understanding of historical reality, human nature, and human progress is naively dangerous.  In essence, a Woke person so hates his parents that he is manically compelled to go back in time and murder his grandparents. 

Feel free to come up with your own definitions.  Have fun with it.  Make it a party game for the family to play at home.  Go on the Internet and cull examples of Woke douchery and add to the above lists. 

Fascists have always understood the power of language. The Woke use language as a weapon of subjugation and control and for rooting out resisters. This why they are obsessed with forcing the rest of us to adopt incorrect pronoun usage, among other asshatteries. Their inability to define “women” and an insistence on transgender-related word games takes fascism to places never imagined by Hitler, Stalin, Mao, or Pol Pot. The important thing to remember is, defined or not, the Woke and their ideology cause tremendous harm, including to the very groups of people they claim are oppressed or marginalized. 

The Woke must be stopped…before it’s too late. They are a threat to people of every race, religion, socioeconomic status, and sexuality. They are a threat to transpeople and drag queens. Their goal is to keep us divided amongst ourselves. The fight against their vile ideology can be a great uniter of disparate groups who share the common goal of protecting children and preserving basic freedoms for all of us.      

In a sense, this blog post is a scaled-down version of Bertrand Russell and Alfred North Whitehead’s Principia Mathematica. They took hundreds of pages of dense mathematical logic to conclude that 1 + 1 = 2. The rumination about a definition of Woke is fun for me—and I hope for you, also. But I found a term in Lionel Shriver’s book We Need to Talk About Kevin, which I believe serves our purpose as well as anything I can come up with:

     “…a candy-coated savagery.”

Candy-coated savagery.  Yes, she nailed it.  That’s the Woke.